Husband & Wife: Twin Tumors

As many of you know, last August, Brandon was diagnosed with a Pituitary Adenoma, or brain tumor. Even though it wasn't a huge shock, it wasn't the most exciting news, despite the fact that we were anxious to move forward and finally have some answers to the complications he had been experiencing. Tuesday afternoon, we finally received confirmation that he will be having surgery on September 27th to remove his tumor. This was quite welcome news, especially considering the fact that we were waiting for me to be discharged from the hospital.

About a year ago, my optometrist noticed that I had swollen optic nerves. He recommended I keep an eye on them, and I went in for another routine eye exam this past June. That doctor noticed they were still quite swollen, and referred me to an ophthalmologist for a second opinion. The ophthalmologist was quite concerned, and ordered an MRI and sent out a referral for me to be seen by a neurologist. I have continued to see the ophthalmolgoist about every 2-3 weeks since the beginning of July. Huge hurrah to TriCare, who as of last Thursday, still hadn't approved my referral to see a neurologist, and by Sunday night I found myself in the ER.

We're really lucky that Brandon's command gave him so much time off work so he could hang out in the hospital with me!

Brandon has been working nights and about 30 minutes after he left for work I started to realize that my right eye was a little more blurry than my left. I got up to see what was going on, and noticed that my right eye was really dilated. Not normal. I texted Brandon and luckily caught him just before he walked into work, and he came straight home to take me to the hospital. In the ER, I was given a second MRI, a Lumbar Puncture (10/10 DO NOT recommend), and then admitted to Tripler Army Medical Center at about 4 am. While at Tripler, I met with another ophthalmologist, a neurologist, and far too many other medical professionals who shined lights in my eyes and checked me for any abnormal symptoms. By this time, my pupil had just about gone back to its normal size and the ophthalmologist basically told me there was nothing he could do because he couldn't see anything wrong, except for my incredibly swollen optic nerves. The neurologist all but laughed in my face as he told me that my MRI results were clear, the lumbar puncture was done incorrectly and so the results weren't valid, and he was pretty sure my dilated pupil was just a result of a migraine or mascara that had gotten in my eye. I tried to tell him that I definitely hadn't had a migraine, and I hadn't worn any makeup all weekend, but he still explained it on my discharge report as a result of a migraine. To say I was frustrated was an understatement.

See how big my right pupil is?!

But it got worse. I was ready to be out of there, especially because "nothing was wrong." So, Tuesday afternoon came and the discharge nurse finally came around to read me the discharge papers. As she was reading along, she said, "The MRI showed a 3mm pituitary adenoma..." Brandon and I looked at each other with this... "Wait, what the hell?" kind of look and let her keep going. When she finished and asked if we had any questions I told her that nobody had mentioned anything to me about a pituitary adenoma and what in the world was that about? She told me that she wasn't sure but that on the recommendations it noted that I needed to follow up with my PCM for an endocrinologist referral.

When we left the hospital all we could do was laugh. How was it even remotely possible that the two of us would end up with the exact same brain tumor within a year? And how in the world did all these doctors tell me that nothing was wrong with me and my MRI results were clear when there was obviously something wrong, so much so that they recommended I see an endocrinologist? I was furious, and I'm still pretty bugged about it.

When I got home I had a missed call. My referral from my ophthalmologist had finally gone through and the neurologist out in town had called. I will be making an appointment there and will absolutely not be going back to see the smarty pants neurologist at Tripler. On Thursday I went to my doctor and got an appointment with an endocrinologist, and I will be meeting with him on September 10th.

Right now, we have far more questions than answers, and truthfully we're still trying to understand and process the news. Up to this point, the only people we've told are our parents and our siblings. But last night, my grandparents called and I knew I had to tell them. I was not ready to share it with anyone else, and I'm honestly still not sure I am. But something my grandma said to me on the phone made me realize I need to. I told her that I was still trying to figure things out and that I didn't want to tell her before I had more concrete information because I didn't want her worrying about something that might not be a big deal. She said, "You know, I might not be able to do anything about it. You think I worry so much but it's only because I care and I'm concerned. And the one thing I can do about it is pray. And you're going to need that. Heavenly Father can help you through this but the more people that can pray for you the more He can help you."

If there's one thing I know, it's that the most reliable thing that has truly gotten me through hard times is the support, love and prayers from my family and friends. I hate asking people for help. I don't like to burden people with my struggles or to cause them more stress and worry. I don't want people to feel bad for me; it drives me crazy. But I also know that to get through whatever we have coming over the next few months, we really are going to need all the love and prayers we can get.

I don't know that Heavenly Father will magically make all these struggles disappear, even though that would be ideal. But I do know that if we give this to Him, He will guide us through it and give us the strength we need to push through and come out better and stronger on the other side. So, I guess that's really all I'm asking for. We are beyond lucky to have the love and support of so many people. Over the last month or so I have been completely overwhelmed on more than one occasion when people have reached out to me or had conversations with me that they can't know how badly I needed. Our family and friends are what have helped push us through some of the hardest days, and I know Heavenly Father will continue to do His work through those around us.

We love all of you who take the time to read this, reach out to us, think about us and pray for us. We truly are so grateful and blessed to have all of you in our lives!


Love,
Harmonie & Brandon

Journey to Baby... Brain Tumors + Our Next Steps

For those of you who have followed our infertility journey or follow us at all on Social Media, you are probably aware of some recent health revelations that have explained our infertility issues! About 6 months ago, while on deployment, Brandon found out he most likely had a Pituitary Brain Tumor. Because the Navy is awesome, they kept him on deployment for the remaining 2+ months and didn't do much to help him out, despite him having severe migraines, nipple discharge, and a whole array of other issues. When he got home, we knew we would be moving within 2 months and assumed, correctly, that his current command wouldn't do much to help him out. We were so excited to move, and prayed that he would finally be in a command with a doctor who cared about helping him out. 

Brandon went in for his flight physical a few weeks after we arrived in Hawaii. After telling the doctor about all the issues he was having, his doctor ordered immediate blood work and a mammogram. His doctor here in Hawaii did more for him during that first medical appointment than his doctor in Washington did the whole time we were there. He had lots of blood drawn and went in the next week for a mammogram. He was also referred to an endocrinologist, who thought he may also have Cushing's Syndrome. He was sent home from that appointment w

ith a steroid that he was to take that would help to determine whether or not he had Cushing's. He went back in after taking the steroid, and the test for Cushing's came back negative. This was quite a stressful time, as a diagnosis of Cushing's would likely mean he would be medically separated from the Navy. Finding out he didn't have it was almost bittersweet. Getting out of the Navy would be a scary, unknown process, but at the same time would likely mean we would move home and be close to family, not to mention the freedom of no longer being in the military. However, he was told if he had Cushing's it could be years before his body regulated and even then, there was a slim chance we would be able to conceive naturally. He does have a Pituitary Brain Tumor, but it is small enough that they are hopeful they can suppress it with medicine, which could work as soon as a couple of months.
 
So, Brandon started taking Cabergoline. We can already see a difference in some things. Some days he has more energy and feels really good, his nipple discharge has decreased significantly, and we are hopeful that progress is being made! He will go back to the doctor in about a week to see how the medicine is helping. 

Here is where I am torn. Since Brandon got home from deployment, we haven't really "tried." I deleted all of my period/ovulation tracking apps off of my phone before he even came home from deployment. It got really hard to consistently be disappointed by negative pregnancy tests, and I just didn't want to deal with the stress of it when he came home. In December, I started to just get this nagging feeling that we needed to try, just for two months, we actually needed to try. So, we decided we would. January came and went without success, and the other day I stumbled upon a quote. 

This hit me like a ton of bricks. When I was home during this past deployment, we heavily considered doing a couple rounds of IUI with donor sperm, but I just wasn't sure I was ready for that. I told my mom I'm afraid that I am so convinced we are going to be able to conceive naturally, that I'm going to pass up the opportunity to have a baby another way. What if I want so badly to conceive on our own that I don't allow myself to try other possibilities? The last few weeks I have had this thought that me feeling like we needed to just really try for two months isn't because I'm going to get pregnant. It's so that I can finally come to terms with the fact that we should probably start pursuing other methods. We're still young, sure, but it's already been over 4 years and I don't want another 4 years to go by just because I wasn't willing to try something else. I think now, all I'm waiting for are Brandon's test results. If they come back and there isn't an improvement in his swimmers, I think I'll know that it's time for us to pursue other options. 

It's hard to let go of a dream. It's hard to accept the fact that, at least for now, we aren't going to have a baby on our own. I'm hopeful that this steroid will help Brandon, and that in the future we will be able to have babies on our own. But for now, I know that if I'm not open to other options, the only thing that is keeping us from having a baby, is me being in my own head. 

We're incredibly lucky to have so much support from our family! I can't thank our family enough for not hesitating at all to pray for us when I ask for it, and even when I don't. Your support and love means more to us than you'll ever know! Keep praying for us, and maybe just pray that I can have the strength to make the right decision for us to be able to start our family!

We love you guys!

Brandon & Harm